Two happy couple lying on the grass

Why You Shouldn’t Feel Overly Responsible For Your Partner’s Happiness

When we have someone that holds our heart and is the keeper of our soul, we tend to make it our mission to make them happy at all costs. Truthfully, it is nice to see their vibrant smile make the flowers bloom, their beautiful laughter make the birds sing, or their shining eyes make our day brighter. However, it comes with a cost. Sometimes, you trade your HAPPINESS. This does not mean you have a free pass to not treat your partner right, though. In a loving and healthy relationship, both parties need to compromise and work things out without abandoning the other partner’s needs. Here are some reasons why you shouldn’t feel overly responsible for your partner’s happiness:


  1. You will lose your self-confidence.
  2. You will lose sight of your desire.
  3. You will drain your energy.
  4. You will lose your identity.


Two happy couple lying on the grass


1. You will lose your self-confidence.

Whenever your partner is having a gloomy day, you might try your hardest to cheer them up. Yet, they might feel more annoyed and ask you to leave them alone. In the end, you may feel you didn’t do a great job and blame yourself for your partner’s unhappiness. If this continues, you will be stuck in a loop of feeling worse about yourself. Instead, you have to acknowledge that you have tried your best. You have to realize that the bad day that they’re going through is beyond your control.


What you can do is to acknowledge that you cannot solve every one of their crises, but instead be there for them for moral support. Moreover, you need to realize that it’s okay to give your partner some space when they are upset. In time, they will come around after they resolve their issues. When they do, give them a warm hug and listen to what’s troubling them. Besides, you could make plans or set aside time to talk with your partner. This would enable you to understand more about their situation and help them to avoid bottling up their feelings.


However, if you still doubt yourself, you should start practising self-reflection. Remind yourself that you are worth it by listing out your accomplishments in a journal. This will enable you to take control of your belief system.


2. You will lose sight of your desire.

Couple sitting at the door together

Every time you give in to your partner’s wants and needs, you may tend to neglect your own. For example, if your partner loves to play games, you might always force yourself to play games with them each time. Or, you might feel obligated to eat at the restaurant that you dislike but your partner loves. This shows that you prefer to stay silent to avoid any arguments. It’s great to make little sacrifices and compromise. However, if your partner always gets the final say, this is not healthy for you and is something you may need to challenge. The more you hide the truth, the more you build a relationship based on a lie. That’s the last thing that you want, as you’re not living your life and not growing in a relationship.


What you can do is to be open with your partner. Good communication allows you and your partner to know each other’s thoughts, such as your likes, dislikes, strength, weakness, and even dreams. You need to be able to tell your partner what you feel and what you need by using the “I” statement. For example, “I feel” or “I need”.


However, communicating is a two-way street. Thus, be sure to listen to them as well. This would build a healthy relationship as you are both willing to open up and be honest with each other. According to Leo Buscaglia, an American writer, “Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life.”


3. You will drain your energy.

Like a hero, you will do anything at all costs to complete your mission. You will be walking on eggshells around your partner as you don’t want to disappoint them. Each time your partner seems upset, by hook or by crook, you try to get to the cause of what’s upsetting your partner. Then, you figure out the solutions every time and neglect your own well-being.


Sad man sitting at a table


So, are you willing to carry their problems as Atlas carries the sky for eternity? If you don’t take care of yourself while absorbing your partner’s problems, you will eventually collapse. Sometimes, it’s best to let your partner stand on their own feet and take responsibility for their actions. But, when they seek advice, just be there for them.


What you can do is to set boundaries. According to Prism Health North Texas, healthy boundaries are those that are established to keep you mentally and emotionally stable. Instead of jumping to solve every problem on their list, you could lend them your ear. Maybe your partner just wants someone to listen to them. So, have a deep talk with your partner on how you could help them. Communication is key. Therefore, you need to have a clear line on where you stand. For example, you need to be brave in saying “no” when they ask you to do something impossible.


With all the negativity they dump on you while discussing their challenges, be sure to take time for yourself. By doing this, it would allow you to re-energize and refocus. When you’re also taking care of yourself and your mental wellness, you could support and help your partner while knowing your limits.


4. You will lose your identity.

Since you keep your partner’s happiness in check, you have accepted the role of a caregiver. This will make your partner always rely on you for their happiness. Thus, you will not have much room to grow as you won’t explore the strengths that you have. In this case, it almost seems like nothing else matters to you, even your needs. This will lead to a toxic relationship. In every relationship, there needs to be a balance; give and take. But, if you keep supporting your partner’s interests without them doing the same for you, your life will be an empty shell.


Person working hard at a table with art


What you can do is to trace back who you are and what you want in life before you were in this relationship. Furthermore, set aside time to have some quality time with yourself. This would create an opportunity for you to explore your hobbies and interests. By doing this, it will help you to preserve your identity and nourish your relationship with others. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to pursue your own goals separate from your relationship.


For example, maybe your goal is to be a painter or get that job promotion that you always wanted. Just go ahead! Nothing is stopping you but yourself. Also, don’t isolate yourself from others as talking to someone you trust may help to ease your burden. Lastly, surround yourself with people who care about you and want the best for you. They just might remind you of your true self.




All in all, someone else’s happiness is not in your job description. We humans have our own free will. Take a step back and reflect on what makes you happy. As a partner, you should love your significant other and treat them right. But we cannot always be held responsible for their happiness. We cannot always control and plan our partner’s happiness, but instead, we can embrace the challenges of life together. Finally, as Aristotle once said, “Happiness depends upon ourselves”.

A poet who enjoys a warm cup of tea. A dreamer who hopes her word reaches the stars. She's someone who loves movies and tv shows. Food is her true love.

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