Being in a relationship is the first thing I would think of when I hear of the word ‘commitment’. I mean, I do think that one of my greatest fear out of all commitments as a human being would be being in a relationship or work related matters. And I somehow got myself into deep thoughts about why it’s happening to me (and I assume we all here do as well) and here are some of the points that I think we all can relate with and helpful pointers:
1. We think we don’t have the time for it
That was my first and foremost thought about it, that somehow I am not willing to invest my time and energy for it, and thinking back again, I do agree with myself at certain times.
I mean, during my college years, all I can think about is survival, the need to finish assignments and all those hectic moments or making sure I pass my papers. And that just takes a lot of energy which in the end, I wouldn’t think I can handle another commitment than that.
Well my thoughts about it, it is all just a matter a priority. Be it commitment with work or being in a relationship, the key to make a new commitment is knowing which is worth prioritizing the most. It doesn’t mean that being in a relationship is less of a priority as it depends on the individuals themselves. List down what is important to you right now and what you think would matter in the next 2-3 years – from there, it’s easier to identify if being in a relationship is something you really want or just because of the current “feelings” you’re having now.
2. Because of our (or others) past experience
This is one of the legit answers on why I am afraid of commitment and to be specific, be in a relationship. For me, it is because of my past experience (and my close ones as well) that makes me feel afraid to commit into something as serious as being in a relationship.
My friends have come crying to me; broken and devastated because she had invest so much time for this guy and suddenly he breaks up with her because of the lamest reason with no explanation. It makes me think if this is one of the many situations I would be able to handle if I were to commit in a relationship. And I keep on thinking of the worst possible scenarios that could happen if it does.
Well, the truth is I guess being in a relationship is not the only thing that would hurt me. I have been hurt a lot, just in different ways. The hardship during my internship days, the day I realised I had fallen into depression during my final year project. Well, every commitment would have their pros and cons. I may smile but I may also weep about it. But what else can we do besides being afraid? Well, choosing to face these fears if it’s something that you really want.
I told myself I would need to take charge of myself before my fear took charge of me.
3. Simply because we don’t want to be ready
Somehow, we try to find a deeper reason for everything we do but think back, when we’re a child we feel that being an adult is fun, free and such a great world out there. But once we’re becoming one, we feel stuck and unready for all of this and we crave to be a child once again.
Being an adult means having a lot of responsibilities, duh. And sometimes it can be too overwhelming for us to handle when some things come crashing down at once. Hence, why we feel reluctant or unsure whether we are ready for it. It can be as simple as being in a relationship to getting ourselves a job after our graduation.
But I can assure you, no one is always going to be 100% ready. But being ready or not, the fact is that we shouldn’t doubt ourselves on things that matter the most as it will help us in taking our first step towards the new commitment. Take time to adapt and just trust your instinct or guts.
4. We care too much about what others think
Sometimes, it’s not because of our own thoughts but we would be all worried about what society and people would think about. These judgements that people may form could be one of the reasons what makes us afraid of making commitments.
To give you an example, your boss has given you a promotion because he trusts you for it. While you feel you’re ready for it, you have also heard rumours people have been snickering about quickly made you insecure and in the end, the energy that was once high becomes low and if this goes on, you will end up becoming afraid of any commitment given to you.
To diminish these thoughts, it’s really just to simply not to care too much about people’s thoughts and judgements. I know it is easier to be said than done but somehow there is no other way to shut people up – you can only change your mindset. But if it gets worse and unbearable, I do find that confronting these people could be the only way. As ironic as it sounds, they could be insecure because they feel they can only leverage on having the ‘power to control’.
Besides, the only way for us to combat this sort of feeling is to simply just live through it and not run away from it. Again easier said than done but if we don’t trust ourselves, then who will? Who will trust us? That is a question you need to find the answer within yourself.
I hope that people who read this at least find motivation, hopes and answer within themselves. I, myself is also in this phase; hence, I am right now finding my gist, and the answer within myself to combat such feelings. And hoping I can be better than ever.
All the best!