4 Reasons Why Your Relationship Has Become Stagnant

They say love can be a wonderful thing. However, it can also be a terrifying thing at the same time. Every relationship begins with the sweet honeymoon, butterflies-in-your-stomach and rollercoaster-emotions kind of phase. After you’ve been together for a while, those rollercoaster emotions may start to fade away. You find yourself starting to wonder: “OMG. Has my relationship become boring or stagnant? Is this relationship going to last? Is this person not meant for me? How do I fix this?”. Here are a few signs and simple tips to help you recognise a stagnant relationship and reassess or fix it.


1. Giving up your personal goals

Sometimes, couples make the mistake of giving up their personal goals after settling into a long-term relationship. Some would give up their dream job, drop out of university or even move to a different country for their partner’s sake. This could turn out to be a huge mistake as you could unintentionally begin to feel resentful towards your partner and indirectly blame them for your own choices.

Couple looking at a laptop together

Couples could have the tendency to perceive that sacrificing their personal goals is the key to sustain the relationship. They could even have a mindset of ‘As long as we have each other, everything will be OK’. Generally, this is not a healthy thing to do, because couples are actually meant to grow together. Believe it or not, going through the ups and downs of life together could actually strengthen your relationship. 


“You can’t save this relationship by not growing”.

–To All the Boys: Always and Forever (2021)


Here’s how to fix it: Set some monthly/yearly personal goals and tell your partner about them. Allow them to support your goals. Try to listen to their comments with an open mind. If both of you have the same interests or goals, maybe you can share them together! Sharing a similar goal is also one of the ways to spark more chemistry in your relationship. 


2. Lack of emotional connection

Couple sitting on a couch angrily and giving each other the cold shoulder

The lack of emotional connection with your significant other will cause a lack of emotional intimacy in the relationship. It is understandable that sometimes one of you may face certain barriers or challenges in communication, which causes you to bottle up all your thoughts and feelings. Remember that it takes two to tango in a relationship. Emotional intimacy will not only allow you to connect deeply with your partner but also creates a form of security and safety in your relationship.


Here’s how to fix it: Be honest and open up about the challenges you face with your significant other. Give regular compliments or show consistent support. Go down memory lane with your partner and reminisce about the sweet old happy memories together. Talk about how you first met, your first date and laugh at the inside jokes together.


For long-distance lovers, it is understandable how distance may also cause the spark in the relationship to fade away. Fear not! Here are some tips to help you fix it: Set aside some time once in a while to have a deep talk with your partner. You could also send your lover a surprise delivery! (Maybe a surprise pizza delivery? Who doesn’t love a good slice of pizza that warms your heart and tummy?) Or sometimes, it’s the small things such as letters or postcards that help to ignite the sparks.


3. Spending 24/7 together

Every beginning of the relationship is always fun and exciting. Since you have just started to get to know and grow closer to each other, it is normal to want to spend every waking hour with your partner. Things may be thrilling at first when you do most things and travel to most places together. But eventually, things could start to feel boring, get stagnant and you may grow tired of their presence. Here’s the dangerous part; when boredom settles in, you may be more likely to start finding and nitpicking on flaws or faults in your partner.

Couple in matching shirts walking down an alley


Here’s how to fix it: Take some time apart from each other. Try to balance your time between focusing on yourself and spending time with your partner. Do your own personal things (make plans with family/friends, pick up a new hobby, take care of your mental and physical wellbeing, etc). The more you are apart from each other, the more you’ll begin to appreciate the presence of and time spent with your partner.


4. Settling into a repetitive schedule

Wake up, work, eat together, work, unwind together, sleep. Sound familiar? You and your partner might have just unintentionally fallen into a repetitive fixed schedule. This is completely normal after both of you have settled in this long term relationship for a while However, this repetitive routine might cause the relationship to grow boring or stagnant.


Here’s how to fix it: Discuss and set aside a certain time in a week to do a different activity together, such as cooking and trying out a new dish! You could also opt to explore new places and restaurants, try new hobbies, or just take a simple stroll in the park together.


Couple holding hands in the park while carrying some books


Every relationship is bound to feel boring at some point. But boredom is not entirely a bad thing. It is just a temporary phase; you can bounce back from it if both parties put in the effort to try and fix it! No relationship is ever perfect. Different couples have different approaches to handling things, right? So, just remember not to set unreasonable expectations! Good luck to all you love birds out there! 


P.S. May your relationship blossom into an everlasting love <3

A media and cultural studies student who enjoys wondering deeply about life and relationships.

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