4 Quizzes To Understand Your Partner Better
Quizzes are a fun way to get to know yourself and others better. Through these understandings, it could also open doors for more honest conversations – not only between romantic partners but even with your family, friends or workplace relationships. Here are some quizzes I adore and found to have practical implications in helping me understand the wants, and even needs, of those around me.
1. The 5 Love Languages
Gary Chapman, author of “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” introduces the five categories of how people express and receive love.
The 5 love languages are:
- Acts of Service: For these people, actions speak louder than words.
- Quality Time: This love language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.
- Receiving Gifts: For some people, receiving a heartfelt gift is what makes them feel most loved.
- Words of Affirmation: This love language uses words to affirm other people.
- Physical Touch: To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate physical touch.
Have you been in a situation where your partner displayed a romantic gesture but you felt nothing? In fact, you might have even felt irritated by their gestures? For example, your partner is constantly holding your hand, hugging you or reaching out to cuddle – but you interpret this behaviour as clingy and over-dependent.
Another example is having your partner give you long and heartfelt hand-written letters, but you might find this old-fashioned or cheesy. This is because there are different ways in which people feel loved and appreciated.
It is important to take time to understand your own and your partner’s preferences. This would allow you to show affection in a more effective manner and could potentially save you a lot of time, money and even tears! Similarly, in a work setting, understanding how your colleagues or subordinates feel appreciated allows you to encourage your staff in a way that is more meaningful to them.
For further reading, check out this article on how to practice the 5 love languages on yourself.
2. The Apology Language
Has someone’s apology ever infuriated you more than it did compensate for their mistakes? The Apology Language is very closely related to the Love Language and was developed by the same company. It addresses how as individuals, we respond to feelings of hurt and even how we forgive.
On top of that, when it comes to seeking forgiveness, it’s important to be authentic and genuine. However, this gets tricky when individuals interpret sincerity differently.
The 5 apology languages are:
- Expressing Regret: The simple act of saying “I’m sorry”.
- Accepting Responsibility: When someone earnestly admits their wrongdoing.
- Making Restitution: Finding a way to correct or make up for the situation.
- Genuinely Repenting: Showing a change in behaviour.
- Requesting Forgiveness: Allowing the individual time to process their feelings of hurt.
Sometimes we unintentionally (or even intentionally) do things that would hurt our partner, family or friends. In times of conflict, we want to avoid saying something condescending or adding salt to the wound. Arguments often escalate because we don’t realize how individuals want us to apologize – so taking this quiz would definitely mitigate unnecessary fires.
This is also important to facilitate forgiveness in all your relationships, which is essential for your personal development and growth. As an employee, being able to understand the apology language of your superior or managers might positively change your entire career!
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Buddha
3. The 36 Questions That Lead To Love
Developed by psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues, they were on a mission to create a series of questions to facilitate building meaningful and close relationships. This is not so much a quiz as a set of questions to go through with a partner.
Divided into 3 sets, they are questions that push couples to be more vulnerable with each other (which is a crucial element in building healthy and strong relationships). You can also go through the questions here.
I first discovered this through a YouTube channel, Jubilee, where they published a series called “Tea For Two”. Two strangers would sit together and go through this list of questions, the aim is to see if they would fall in love towards the end of it – or if they would like to go on a second date after.
It starts off light and easy, addressing topics about aspirations and dreams, before diving into more personal or sensitive topics such as loss and regret. This is definitely more appropriate for romantic relationships but some questions can also be directed to colleagues too (that’s if you’re comfortable having such intimate friendships at work).
It doesn’t have to be done in a single sitting, but can be divided or simply serve as table topics when you’re hanging out or on a date. Throughout this process of Q&A, it’s of utmost importance to respect the individual’s boundaries – yes, even if you’ve been dating for a long time. Some of these questions have the potential to open up untouched wounds, so it’s key to give them the space they need to process their own emotions.
4. Attachment Style Quiz
This quiz definitely requires a level of vulnerability, as it touches on attachment styles (or even disorders) that address certain conditioning that might have happened when we were children. The main goal is to facilitate a greater level of self-awareness and identify the root causes of our hurt and begin the process of healing.
The four attachment styles introduced in this quiz are (Do note that this is just a summary and I would definitely encourage all of you to read these in more detail!):
- Secure attachment: This is a style that is self-contented, social, warm and easy to connect to
- Anxious attachment: Also known as preoccupied.Iindividuals with this style tend to have a lower sense of self-esteem, fear of rejection or might appear clingy in relationships
- Avoidant attachment: Also known as dismissing. Individuals with this style tend to avoid emotional or physical intimacy and might prefer being a ‘lone wolf’
- Disorganized attachment: Individuals with this style might find it very difficult to trust, or displays inconsistent behaviours
This quiz might reveal some unresolved hurt you have from the past – it could be from childhood trauma or unhealthy past relationships. If you feel like you’re constantly struggling to push it to the next level with your partner, perhaps this quiz would facilitate some breakthroughs. Do note that this quiz is very personal, so do give yourself and your partner the space they need to process and always be respectful of boundaries.
The blogs and videos also provide a lot of resources on how you can overcome some roadblocks in your relationships! If you feel like you need more help untangling or making sense of some past experiences or hurt, do also reach out to a mental health professional.
A healthy and supportive relationship can be grown out of merely knowing each other better. Of course, this takes strength because it requires trust and vulnerability, but these are important steps to take in order to not only understand yourself, but your partner, family or friends better.
Once again, some of these quizzes or questions do tap into pretty personal and private aspects of one’s life, so always approach with empathy, kindness and respect. Hopefully when you get to uncover more aspects of yourself, you would then be able to gradually improve your relationships too.