• Melissa Kartini

Why You Should Forgive Your Ex


“Forgive and forget”. We’ve all heard this saying before, and it turns out this simple phrase is much more powerful than it sounds. While it doesn’t seem like it, it is something that doesn’t only benefit the person who wronged you, but you yourself as well. Intriguing, don’t you think?


For perspective, this act goes well beyond forgiving that lying ex of yours, no matter how much of a dirt bag they were. It means letting go of the hurt and anger you were inflicted with, regardless of the magnitude, and accepting what has happened.


By having a forgiving personality, you will enjoy both emotional and physical health benefits.


Don’t believe me? Read on

Many studies have confirmed the connection between stress and health. The negative side effects we experience whenever we’re stressed are never pleasant, and a great way to lead a happier life is by learning how to let go of grudges.


It certainly isn’t easy, especially if you feel that a person has wronged you deeply, but it really isn’t about them. It’s not about forgetting or excusing what they’ve done. It’s about freeing yourself from their control and moving on with your life.


Here are some of the benefits of forgiving:

  • Improved heart health

  • Lower blood pressure

  • Stronger immune system

  • Stronger mental health

  • Less anxiety and stress

  • Higher self-esteem

  • Decrease in depression

  • Healthier relationships

And while it’s certainly not a favourable way of learning, the painful experience you’ve gone through can make you emerge a more self-aware, mature and discerning person.


How does one go about forgiving, though?

Some people are naturally forgiving, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t hope for the rest of us. Believe it or not, it is actually a value that can be learned. It will take time, but once you instill four of the following, you’ll never look back:

  • Reflect and emphathise. Think about what has happened, and try to see where that person was coming from. Is it possible that you might have had a hand in it as well? Are there other factors to consider? This is not to say that what they’ve done was right, but this is to give the situation some context. And if this method doesn’t work, think about all of the times someone has forgiven you.

  • Forgive. We’re all human, and as such, we all understand just how difficult this can be. This is especially true when the person in question has not apologised to you (How could they!!), and you feel as though you have every right to be angry. But again, it is essential to forgive- and let that forgiveness come from a place that understands that nobody is perfect.

  • Drop all expectations. Just because you’ve forgiven someone doesn’t mean they’re going to change, and just because they’re in the wrong doesn’t mean they’re ever going to apologise either. Remember that even though you don’t have the power to control people or what happens, you do have the power to control the way you react. You don’t need anyone to let go of that anger and hurt.

  • Forgive yourself. It is easy to be enveloped in self-hate when you’ve been wronged. This is tricky, but once you’ve given yourself sufficient time to mourn, try to take this as a learning experience- and understand that even if you’ve been wronged, it is not a reflection of your self-worth. Just do you, my friend. You’re awesome.

Written by Crunch's Melissa Kartini

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