What Do I Do When The Other Falls Out of Interest?
by Renuka Darshini |
So you’ve been together for some time. Then it sneaked in uninvited. That all too uncomfortable insecurity in a relationship. But this time it’s a lot more evident, like you mentally stab yourself each time you’re together.
You see them slipping away in conversations, replying but not really answering, activities together start feeling like mindless chores, the spark between you smaller than that of a hand lighter flame and you’re left with a burning question; are they falling out of interest?
Granted, you may be over-thinking since life gets in the way sometimes and your significant other is just busy handling their own problems, leaving you hanging.
However, in the event the resentful feelings just get stronger and you’re feeling super lost, here are some ways for resolving the matter before you get unhappier in this relationship:
Let it out, even if it hurts
Coherent communication really is the mother of all conflict resolution. Most of us don’t communicate because we’re not keen on confrontation or worse; terrified with our gut feelings. Not everyone can fake desire, it’s just not normal human behaviour. Make some time for you both to discuss, without outside interference, at a calm, safe space where you address the issues at hand.
I suggest a quiet park with good benches or the confines of your home if either of you live on your own (if it’s at their place, have transportation ready just in case things take a sour turn) and have a sit down conversation with no phones or other distractions to make sure you make full use of the moment.
Be firm with your decisions
It’s a touchy subject and there isn’t a handbook for you to follow to get the words out right. But it’s important that your message doesn’t get clouded by an anger that’s stemming from deep rooted resentment, so remember that you are in control of what and how you say your piece. Create a safe and open space by giving your side of the story with patience, but be firm when saying it. Be clear that whatever they’re doing (or not doing) is just not enough based on your personal expectations and about what is making you feel like they’re no longer into you. Don’t use this as a way for you to lash out or play the blame game, because your ultimate goal is to determine where they stand in this relationship.
Try to compromise
Just like any relationship, be it with your family, friends or partner, it’s all about compromising with one another. But this may be really hard considering how you must feel at this point.
The key is to listen to their tone of voice and body language on the matter. It may not always be because their attentions are elsewhere, but have to do with the relationship itself at its core. Maybe it’s because both stopped trying to find common interests or can’t remember the last time you’ve laughed together. Unfortunately, your partner is clearly losing interest and you may then come up with ways in to improve the relationship, but the conversation should lead to a productive solution that is the best possible outcome for either of you in the long run. If one party does not agree, accept it with respect.
Don’t remain in the past
Most people tend to take a look at their significant other, feel an overwhelming rush of emotions; wondering where did all the good times go and when did all the quarrels from the bad nights started.
Sentiment ruins many things but it shouldn’t ruin both yours and your partner’s chance at happiness because both of you have been held on for the wrong reasons. At this point in time to better the relationship, it’s important to leave whatever has happened in the past and move on. It is time to re-actively make some changes and explore different ideas.
Be graceful whatever the outcome
There are only two ways this is going to go down. If it comes to a point where you want to work it out, then follow it through. Stick it out and find ways to create interest and desire. Desire is fickle, but a great friend when you both work to keep the spark alive. Explore new things to talk about, make lasting memories together and when in doubt, find a fair resolution between you.
If it comes to a goodbye, do it with grace even if it’s totally against your will. Remember that your value do not decrease because someone else can’t appreciate your beautiful self. They might say they’re unsure about the relationship but maybe its simply not good enough. Know your worth and leave for your well-being. Think of it this way, why would you want to be with someone who has no interest in you?
More importantly, take this advice with some salt. No advice is a one-size fits all but what’s here is the basic rundown of successfully plotting the next step for you to determine what to do when the other falls out of interest. Relationships are hard, people sometimes grow apart, but unless they’ve been abusive or just toxic, your partner deserves to be heard out and valued too. Interest is a two way street, and in the event it no longer sparks joy in the words of Marie Kondo, then make room for the next best things (yes things in plural form, because life is so full and diverse) that are about to enter your life.
Stress less, love more and never be afraid of your feelings.
You may also find Renuka on Instagram.