Things You Should Know Before Tying The Knot
Updated: Feb 7, 2020
Getting married is a big step as you'll be starting a new phase in your life. To understand that you are deciding to live with someone forever. You are deciding to commit yourself into a relationship with bigger responsibilities but together. It can be either more wholesome or scary depending on how you look at it and it's normal to have doubts along the way.
Here are some things you should know before really deciding to get married:
1. Your spouse 'had' a life before you
No matter how long you knew each other before you were married, you’ll never know them inside out. Even after 30 years, there always something new you will learn about your spouse.
Marriage is about accepting each others' imperfections and trying your best to understand them. You have to lower your expectations and be more appreciative. Try to learn more instead of judging. They were raised in different ways. Their childhood experience was different than yours. It would be impossible for you to know them all in just overnight. Even you yourself have your past.
If you want to get married, get to know their families as well. You’ll learn a lot about your spouse-to-be. About their attitude, about their habits, and their personality. From here you’ll have a good marriage impression.
2. Communication is key
I was raised with the 'typical' mindset that a wife should be quiet and does not have the authority to speak out, it was hard for me. I was, at first, so afraid to speak out thinking I am being rude to my husband - until I started growing closer to my then future parents-in-law and the way they approach problems with an open for discussion. I learnt that in a relationship you need to communicate effectively.
I would suggest some books for you to read on how to have good communication and relationship. Amongst them are John Gray’s bestseller book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” and Dr Gary Chapman’s book titled “Five Love Language”. You’ll learn about understanding the opposite gender, how to accept and adapt to the differences, how to read love and a lot more from these books.
Communication is not only expressing and listening but being present. You need to learn how to communicate effectively. It will take some time, but never stop learning how.
3. Financial Management
In reality, the financial commitment is definitely different ball-game overtime. Firstly, the wedding. Then comes with new assets such as a new place, the renovations, the daily expenditures and the list go on.
Along the road, both of you would potentially want to have kids and with that, comes with the cost of it such as basic necessities and education.
It's important to seek advice and do your research beforehand like starting out in having an investment plan.
Nowadays, there are so many investment plans and companies to choose from. Just call the agent, get the details and start investing. To ensure you’ll never short of money and have a good financial flow even after you are married and have kids, do manage your finances before getting married. Make it a habit.
4. Through thick or thin, for better or for worse, 'till death do us part.
“Are you ready to be with your partner forever?”
This was a question I was asked by my mom when I first brought up the topic to her. It made me think not only twice but thrice - am I overthinking this? am I too young?
Today, I totally understand what she meant. Marriage isn't just rainbows and butterflies but it's about compromising, a lot of commitment and devotion. You’re on this road together. Through all the hardships and happiness. You should be inseparable until death. And, it’s not easy. There would be days of ups and downs and it will be hard.
The decision of getting married should be done with rationale. Not just on yours or your partner's feelings. Think of the consequences of your decision, have plans and have a discussion with your spouse-to-be. Make a good relationship with your spouse-to-be families. They are going to be part of your future life. You need to ensure they can be a help in your marriage. You need to make a good start to have a good ending.
5. Put your heads together
In marriage, you need to see eye to eye about your future together.
Keep each other in track and accountable, together. Both of you need to have a clear objective in your marriage. Being married is not only to be in love, but it is more than that. It’s about commitment and responsibilities. If you lose your track in the middle aren’t able to keep each other in the same track it would be hard.
As mentioned previously, have plans. Plan for five and ten years to come and share them. Make a timeline. Make a target. Before you get married, tell your spouse-to-be about you plans and be sure that they can to get their heads together with you.
6. You are each other's backbones
It hurts me to know some women’s wings are ‘clipped’ by their own husbands and vice versa. Marriage should never be a reason to stop you from chasing your dreams. Of course, it's normal for things to be at halt or delay but you can create creative ways to achieve it but never stop chasing.
Get to know each other dreams and plans. You need to know who you are marrying to and if they support what you want to do. You need to know if you can lean on them and you need to be able to be leaned on. It goes both ways. You need to be selfless and selfish at the same time.
List all the plans and dreams both of you have, for yourself and for your future family. See where your plans and dreams are aligned and how you can make it work in the future. From time to time revise your plans and keep up with the teamwork. This is how you can start to set your marriage right.
With that, I hope these pointers could help or reassure you before deciding to get married will help you to have a better vision of your marriage. Marriage is where your real journey begins.
You may find out more about Amirah on her Instagram too!