My Best Friend and I Are Growing Apart. How to Know If I Should Try Harder or Let Go?
by Nurul Nadiah. |
I'm sure that you probably find that your friendship with your best friend is getting distant from each other? Probably due to a packed schedule, misunderstandings or purely because you both did not try to grab the phone and send a message or dial their number?
As we phase into this stage in our life, we find that there's a time where we need sacrifice including relationships with some of the people in our life. That is perfectly fine and it never always mean that you’re self-centred because this is the reality of being an 'adult with responsibilities' on and if certain things are not working out, you have to let them go.
However, there are certain things in life that can be mended if you want to try. How do you know if you should try harder? And how do you know if you should just let them go? Take your time to reflect and have some me-time to understand why you find your friendship not as strong as before.
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF:
1. Was there conflict or misunderstandings between you too?
Having interpersonal conflict is normal in every relationship in general. You will never be able to avoid that. But you can always try to control and solve the conflict if you’re wise enough.
Did you both argue over something that you both have different opinions on? Or
maybe because you assumed over something that you didn’t even get a clarification
yet? (or vice versa)
2. Are you both busy with your career or studies?
Are you in the phase where you have to focus on yourself to get your dreams fulfilled?
Or are you in the crisis of choosing between your career (or studies) and your
socialising time? Or perhaps your friend needs more time for them to achieve their
3. Have you heard rumours or someone else is breaking your friendship?
That girl from your neighbourhood, did she try to get in and raise some conflicts
between you and your best friend? Did you believe merely on what she said? Or you find that your best friend has found and gotten closer to a new pal and she keeps missing you out.
4. Are you both not playing part to get in contact with each other?
No conflicts, no dramas. Only because you both are not trying. Well that’s pathetic.
You both once helped each other to get out of the dirt and now you’re not even trying
to communicate? What a waste of a friendship.
Well there, after allowing you to read those questions above, you must be having millions of thoughts and wonder how do I get rid of this? How do I tackle this problem? Hold on, I will try to give some suggestions on what to do.
HOW DO I TACKLE THE PROBLEMS?
1. If you've had conflict with each other, apologise.
Even if it’s not your fault, but your best friend thinks otherwise, you can always apologise. And it’s not wrong to do it. It doesn’t mean that you’re a loser, it simply means that you value your friend more than the problem. However, if it clearly is your friend’s fault and your friend apologised but you feel like you can’t be friends with him/her anymore, end the conversation nicely. Don’t be harsh just because you know that it’s not your fault. Remember not to let your ego swallow you. It’s perfectly fine not to talk to them as often as before but holding a grudge won’t let you live happily. Hence, forgive them and move on with your life! Losing them in a nice way is way better than hating them for the rest of your life.
2. Respect each other's schedules.
During this phase in our life, we are all trying to reach our own personal goals and at the same time; meeting the deadlines at work. Sometimes we could get too distracted and forget to take the time to spend time with our loved ones. Take a break and try to keep in touch with them from time to time. Even if you can’t meet them, you can always take a few minutes to text them. You should never disregard your friend just because of this.
Alternatively, if you find very often that your best friend is always 'too busy' to meet you despite your countless efforts and you find him/her hanging out at the mamak from IG Stories, this could also be time to re-evaluate your friendship too.
3. Don't make your own assumptions.
So maybe you've heard a rumour going around or knowing that someone is trying to ruin your friendship and raised some conflicts. It's best to avoid believing in them and forming your own assumptions. If you haven’t clarified that the things you heard is true OR you just simply feel that you feel jealous of your best friend's new pal, it's important to highlight and tell your friend about what you feel to clear the air.
4. Be transparent and confront with one another.
This problem is such a small one yet it can break a friendship. If your friendship with your best friend is something that you find is worth 'fighting' for, let them know that. Chances are, they probably do feel the same and perhaps, the both of you would try to make more effort to meet up and rekindle back the good old times. Remember not to conceal the things that you’re supposed to share. After all, you are best friends.
At the end of the day, sometimes we shouldn't overthink it and keep in mind that by not communicating with one another often like you used to doesn’t mean that you both have ended the friendship. As long as you both are trying to be there for each other at crucial times, that’s more than enough. Good luck best friends. You both will make it to the end!
You may find out more about Nurul Nadia on her Instagram too.