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How to Balance and Compromise Your Own Principles in a Relationship?

by Carmen Yap. |

As an individual living in this modern world with the blessing of exposure with information from various sources, it is unpreventable to develop our very own principles and preference. But to those who are sharing part of their live with their loved one, i.e. in a relationship, the cause of argument often rooted from the conflicts and disagreement in principles.

It is however rare to find or to share part of our life with someone holding onto identical principles. Conflict in principles and thoughts are inevitable but one can always choose to face the differences and work it out together with their loved one, strengthening the relationship. Here are a few steps to how you can work out the conflicts and disagreement:

1. Communication

This is no stranger as a part of the usual relationship advice, but this is definitely not an incoherent one.

The first step is the willingness to communicate your ideas and principles to your loved one. If you merely decide to uphold your principles and does not communicate and understand the reason of disagreement by your loved one, it will just lead to disastrous disagreement between both which will land your relationship into a crisis through an argument. In conclusion if your loved one truly values you, he/she will definitely want to hear your stand out. Simply approach him or her, explain your principle and let them know. When argument is involved, there will be unwanted difficulties to explain and to convey your ideas. Sometimes arguments may even blind us into merely wanting to win an argument.

2. Understanding the stand taken by your partner

Willingness to communicate is insufficient and once wrongly done, it will just lead to another argument which renders the communication a futile exercise.

So, one should always understand the aim of the conversation. Both sides should be able to take turns and convey their ideas fully to their desire. It is important that there should not be any side who felt righteous about his own principles over the other. Perhaps through the communication we can always try to convince our ideas and principles onto the opposite, but we should also try our best to understand where they are coming from and never belittle their thoughts and opinions.

3. Learn that not everyone may see things from the same perspective.

Just like how we look, there's no one person who would look the entirely the same and it works the same just like our views and principles. This step is part of understanding the stand taken by our loved one in Step 2.

It’s easier to compromise and to give in once we understand this simple scenario. Sometimes they just could not understand the same principles because they see things differently.

We live by our principles but there’s also an important person forming a relationship with us. A balance will need to be done as to whether we ought to protect our principles to the maximum extent in risk of losing our loved one.

4. The compromise

After going the great lengths of communicating, understanding, learning and then balancing, if the answer leads to compromise, the next question will often be: HOW?

There are a few examples of the compromising.

Firstly, acknowledge and agree that both of you have different views on certain issues. There’s no perfect relationship where the parties involve just agree with each other identically. Perhaps both may reach a consensus for you to still uphold your principles, while your loved one being bothered but does not stop you for doing so, and this may apply in otherwise too. This method boils down from the art of maintaining relationship, which is to RESPECT. So, although there is conflict in principles or etc, there is no need to agree with the principles, but there should be respect.

Next, the other way of compromising would be to tolerate, and let go of your principles sometimes. There will be situations where both of your principles involved cannot be fully accepted nor ignored. Then, to compromise would be to lower down to an acceptable reasonable extent of upholding your principles to suit your loved one, where you should weigh if it is worthy and you could willingly do it.

At the end of it all, no matter what may be the outcome, we should always remember that a relationship is formed by the union of two people. There should not be one party who constantly sacrifices in full force for the other party; it should be the effort of two to work out the differences and attempt to compromise. If you find yourself committing more than your partner, take this chance to re-evaluate if this is something you'd want to constantly face or not.

All the best!

You may find out more about Carmen on her Instagram too.

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