How Do You Know if You and Your Partner Are Ready for Marriage?
by Seetha Ravindran. |
About six months back, I was asked for my hand in marriage. My heart was palpitating so fast, my hands trembling and my legs were shaking. My thoughts were disturbed because I felt that my freedom will be taken away from me. I just felt like running away to someplace and hide there. Basically, I was not ready to be committed, at 24. It's not because of the age - it's just simply I was not ready mentally.
Personally, for me, age is not the only factor to determine whether one is ready for marriage or not. I have come across couples who married in their early 20s or even in their early 40s. There is so much to assess whether you and your partner are ready to embark on a new journey of a lifetime. Although there is no one answer fits all to this as every relationship varies from one another but here are some pointers:
1. Are you ready for a long term commitment?
This is the #1 question to ask yourself and your partner. Marriage is like what they say, an investment. It takes a lot of hard work to make a marriage sustainable. You should feel secure to be committed to your partner throughout the journey of a lifetime.
You can’t imagine a life without them or with anyone else even with their flaws and all. That’s when you know you are ready for a new journey.
2. Ready for marriage, not just the wedding.
The 'wedding' can be exciting. A lot of plans and work done for the big day but sadly many fail to understand the meaning of marriage. Marriage is an institution of love. It’s not an event that merely last for hours. It lasts forever until death do apart. Some might be too involved in the whole wedding process that both of you could end up being flustered and forgetting about why the both of you have chosen to spend the rest of your lives each other.
Work on having a healthy relationship.
3. You trust your partner
What is even a relationship without trust? You know your partner very well. Not just because you have known them for a certain period of time but you truly know them within. The both of you can always count on each other not just in times of convenience but pretty much whatever and whenever it may be.
4. You are in a mature relationship
You know that the both of you aren’t playing each other out when you get into a fight. You have the ability to accept the limitations of your partner as a human being. You understand understand the need of giving each other personal space when needed and you don't feel the need to be clingy with your partner all the time. Although it is great to do everything together as a married couple but you value both you and your partner's time when necessary.
5. You’re financially stable
Realistically, money plays a huge role in a marriage. We're not saying that the both of you don't need to be 'rich' to feel complete - there’s no need for that. What we mean is to have a mutual agreement on both of your preferences. Some marriages end up in a rocky path because one feels like he/she is too financially dependent on the other or sometimes even being too calculative about the littlest things would be a problem. It's important to establish that both you and your partners are in line with your financial preferences from the beginning of your marriage.
6. You both make an effort to make peace
Marriage is a two way street. Arguments are common especially when living together in the same roof. Some days you put 10% and your partner puts 90% and vice versa. You have no issues in apologising when you’re wrong and so does your partner. You both know that you can talk about important and sensitive topics while coming to a mutual agreement. It's important to compromise to each other's needs and wants even if that means putting your ego aside.
7. Both of your families and friends respect each other
They say that marriage is not only between the both of you but also between two families. If your family and friends respect your partner, it creates a better and healthier environment for one another. The both of you would be spending even more time with each other's families once you're in marriage or even living together and if you find that either you and your partner can't get along well with each other's family or friends, it could be something to re-consider.
Because sometimes your family and friends know the best for you and if there is something they aren’t liking, you should consider that too. Small matters could build and burst overtime resulting to constant hidden conflicts and resentment.
8. You and your partner have discussed about starting a family
Some people don't want to have children. Some want children or they would want to but perhaps have fertility problems. Sometimes, your partner's family wants children but you are not ready for it yet and vice versa. I know that this could be a dealbreaker to some people because of their preference of starting a family or not. Eventually, you and your partner will face this question down the road and it should be a topic you've discussed with one another as well.
“And when you choose a life partner, you’re choosing a lot of things, including your parenting partner and someone who will deeply influence your children, your eating companion for about 20,000 meals, your travel companion for about 100 vacations, your primary leisure time and retirement friend, your career therapist and someone whose day you’ll hear about 18,000 times. It is intense.”
Lastly, bear in mind that no one is really 100% ready because we can never be extremely certain. Your partner should also feel the same things about themselves with you. If they aren’t ready for marriage it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. They simply aren’t ready for a big commitment just yet. Time will come when they will be happily commit it.
You may find out more about Seetha through her Instagram too.