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5 Things I Am Grateful for in 2019

Updated: Jan 2, 2020

by Amilah Marzuki. |

2019 has been a very interesting year for me, with so much that has happened for my own development. If we're talking about the things I'm grateful for, I think all of it falls under the umbrella of me understanding things.

So here are 5 things I'm grateful I understand in 2019. 

1. I'm grateful that I learned to understand better on how relationships work

We all know that to keep a relationship going, you always have to put in the effort. How much is subjective, but as long as you want to keep those important people in your life, you have to

try to make it a habit to communicate. I've never been good at keeping in touch—I cling to those who are around me and when I move to a new place, it's not easy for me to keep in contact with my friends from before. But the older I grew the more I realised that some people are gems that you can't find anywhere else and this year, in particular, I understood that sometimes when you're in different places from the people you want to keep in your life, you're bound to grow differently, and you're bound to perceive things differently too. 

One thing I learned is that it will definitely lead to disagreements, and sometimes all you wanna do is retract and stay silent but often the thing we should do is work it out, talk it out. If it doesn't work out, then it's okay because that's just how life works—it's always a search for your own true self and if you're lucky, you'll meet someone to evolve with and who will push you to be better every day.

2. I'm grateful that I learned how to forgive myself

During the beginning of my final year at university, I got into a state—I wouldn't call it a depressive state, but to me, it was something like that. I didn't know why I was in that state in the first place, just that nothing was in the right place and I became very timid, fearing that whatever I touched would wilt. My boyfriend and I would get into these nasty fights because of a person from my past. One night it got so bad that I retold the story of my past, but now I realise it was more for me than it was for him. I admitted that said person was someone horrible who did something horrible and is still continuing their journey to find a new person and that no—I don't forgive that person.

Image: Girl Boss

We have heard that we should always forgive others because that will set us free, but I've come to understand that sometimes not all situations and things are unforgivable, and the only people who do deserve forgiveness are the ones who really seek it. So from there, I forgave myself for feeling that some things aren't fair and for feeling angry at certain people—because that was how I felt free and how I got over that state I was in.

3. I'm grateful that I understand that I have a whole life ahead of me

A few weeks ago, my friend and I had a disagreement. It went on in my head for days—why doesn't she agree with me? Am I wrong?  I met someone recently, a much older, PhD student, and I confided in her about my problems and it made me realise.. you know how with older people, and they'll probably say, "Alah, you're still young", and we often feel like they don't know what they're talking about because we know better? Truth is, they're always right. 

About the disagreement I had with my friend, I felt I was right because I've been where she's been and I've thought what she's thought and I’ve grown from that. Somewhere along the way, you'll find that older people do know what they're saying when they say "you have your whole life ahead of you." to knock you back into reality.

4. I'm grateful that I understand how to lead and how to be a subordinate

I am taking modules for Human Resource Management, touching on how to manage people in an organisation, but when put to the test, it's... harder than it is on paper. I'm currently leading one of the social clubs in my university and from the beginning of my post, I was in charge of delegating tasks and it was definitely harder when you're a woman (though we don't like this stigma, it IS the reality). I'm still learning, but one thing I know is that you should never give up.

As for being a subordinate, especially in this day and age where we feel like we're unique and the best, we have to understand that we're all just trying and it's not wrong to admit that we don't know how to do certain things. Don't let your ego get the best of you. One important thing about being a subordinate is that we have to understand that sometimes when advice is given, it's not personal.

5. I'm grateful that I understand and accept that sometimes we can't do things alone

The absolute biggest blessing I had this year is finding a partner. Of course, there is a lot to talk about how you only need yourself to succeed and about being a strong, independent woman, so much so that it kind of feels like sometimes people look down on those who do need someone to depend on, when neither one is better than the other. We're all different from the way we were raised, to the way we grow. 

Truth be told and cliche as it sounds, I wouldn't have become the person I am today if it wasn't for my boyfriend and his countless efforts to help me, his belief in me and his desire to want the world for me. I've always had it in me, that's for sure, but he guided and showed me what I had to offer and to accept that is something I'm very much grateful for.

Every year will always have a whirlwind of events that shape us to be who we are and changes our values and beliefs - the good or the bad. 2019 was not an exception and I'm glad that I had gone through them regardless. In the spur of the moment was definitely tough but looking back, they were definitely blessings in disguise. My hope is that I would be able to continue reminding myself of these lessons I've learned this year to the next.

I'm grateful for what 2019 has given me. Bring it on, 2020!

You may find out more about Amilah on her Instagram too.

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