5 Habits That Could Strain Your Relationship
by Alif Azizan |
Back in my studying days, a junior once told me that I must have had it really good to have a girlfriend, that I must be a really happy man to have someone waiting for me at the end of the day. While it is true that I am happy, I did remind him that a relationship isn’t always a bed of roses. A healthy relationship doesn’t always mean a plain smooth sailing from the get-go. Some people might face a few turbulences during the earlier phases of their relationship, others might have it somewhere along the road. Heck, even long-time married couples bicker once in a while.
A relationship is a dance for two, like it or not, there are bound to be rough patches along the way. Pay more attention to your partner for a change, do listen to them once in a while and you might find out that sometimes, it’s not them, it’s you. Lucky for you, we have you covered on this matter. Listed below are five habits that could strain your relationship.
1. Jumping to conclusions
Ah yes, if we could lose weight by jumping to conclusions, we would have had that summer beach bod in no time. Often a behaviour synonymously linked to women (due to their natural tendency to overthink things), men are also impervious to this tendency.
It doesn’t matter whichever gender committed it, it’s always important to listen to both sides of the story, do keep in mind that a seesaw only works when both individuals work together. Perhaps when bickering in the heat of the moment, one party should try to be calm (easier said than done honestly) and let the other finish up on what they think of the issue. Not only would jumping to conclusions sour things between both of you, but it would also imply that you lacked faith and trust in your partner, and that is a very shaky ground to build your relationship on.
2. Being selfish
A healthy relationship is all about a balanced two-way route of giving and taking. You can’t just reap in all those benefits without giving anything back to your partner. That is called tolerance. For example, don’t turn your partner into a living bank when it favors you yet turn away from them when they need financial help the most. Emotional wise, the same concept applies as well. You can’t just vent out to your partner when you are at your worst yet turn a deaf ear towards them when they seek you. That is just downright selfish and would lead to a toxic relationship.
3. Bringing up the past
Perhaps the biggest mistake of them all. Some people might have forgotten that whatever happened in the past, stays in the past. However, some of us might have gotten lost in the middle of the argument that we tend to bring up the partner’s flawed past in order to get one over them.
True, it did win you the argument. You might also feel better about yourself to hammer down a heavy reminder on your partner and justify your point - but at what cost? Is your relationship worth sacrificing for a brief moment of inflated ego and self-righteousness? Ask yourself this question whenever you feel that bringing up the past is the right thing to do.
4. Prying on your partner’s privacy
We can never fathom the need to hand over our social media or phone passwords to our partner. Sometimes, a line needs to be drawn over these kinds of things. If you are okay with this, then that’s okay, but I wouldn’t feel too comfortable having someone in my personal space.
We do want the act of an individual opening up to their partner as a sincere gesture. After all, wouldn’t it be better to hear it from your partner themselves rather than finding out through their emails or socials? Furthermore, isn’t prying on your partner’s privacy a sign of distrust and disrespect? What if you pried on his or her privacy and resorted to jumping to conclusions (habit no. 1)? That will add to the trouble that’s already at hand, and we seek to solve problems, not worsen them.
5. Not communicating with them when things are rough
“Communication is the key”.We are pretty sure that you have heard this a number of times, if not for the gazillionth times. Talk to your partner, don’t switch your phone off, ignore their texts, or decline their calls at every instance. Avoiding communications would only lead to further miscommunications down the road and we are very certain that nobody wants to go through that path. We do understand that you would need some time to cool down after a heated argument, but do reassure your partner that you will get back to them when you are no longer emotionally driven and are rational enough to sort things out.
All in all, you would know your partner better than everyone else (maybe except their family). Always mend things between both of you as soon as possible and be mature in handling each other. At the end of the day, a relationship is a dance meant for two - you can never have an amazing experience without each other.
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