Ethnic couple happy and playing around in a field of grass

How Often Do You Check In With Your Significant Other?

There are so many ways in keeping one’s love passion alive in a relationship. Just ask Mr/Mrs. Google and you’ll find out tons of tips: physical touch, giving gifts, surprises, and so on. Just as much as those are important, checking in with your partner is equally important as well.


Before we dive in deeper, let’s define the meaning of “check-in”. Generally, checking in with someone means to talk to contact someone to find out new information or for clarification.


Ethnic couple happy and playing around in a field of grass


In this case, checking in with your significant other is to have a meaningful, deep-connection conversation with each other. It doesn’t necessarily mean just checking how they’re doing physically, mentally, or emotionally, but it is something much deeper than that – finding each other again.


1. Does it matter?

YES! It totally does matter because checking in with your partner helps you to reassess and strengthen the bond when either or both of you feel disconnected in the relationship. Remember that even though you are married or in a serious relationship, your relationship journey is not over yet.


Asian couple sitting on a pier and reunited after LDR


Both of you are still 2 individuals who live separate lives and most of the time, work and personal life can get in the way of intimacy. Sometimes being in a long-distance relationship may make you feel lost or out of touch with your partner too.


2. When should I check in with my significant other?

In my opinion, there is no specific time frame of when or how frequently you should check in with each other. If you can do it once a week that would be great but if you have busy schedules, once a month is equally enough.


Personally, I would encourage you to do check-ins during the weekend or bedtime hours because there is no feeling of “rushed” or being unfocused. You can be in bed, holding hands, and check in with your partner as you eye gaze a little bit. I find that the importance of physical touch and eye gazing helps to increase intimacy and emotional connection.


 Ethnic lady talking to her long-distance partner through phone


Besides weekend/bedtime check-ins, take out at least 15-30 minutes a day without distractions to connect with your partner. There are some couples who would also do morning check-ins like when you interact and connect with each other the moment you wake up or when eating breakfast together.


3. How do I check in with my partner?

Asian couple smiling while cleaning up room with coffee after being in a long-distance relationship


Well, have an honest, open, and respectful conversation with each other. You could ask or tell such questions/topics like:

    1. Is there a moment where you felt missed or unheard? How can we fix it?
    2. How do you currently feel in this relationship? Do you feel happy and satisfied or do you feel that something is off?
    3. Is the relationship moving in the direction that I or we want? Is there anything that we can improve on?
    4. Tell your partner something that you appreciate them for today or this week/month.
    5. Is there something that is stressing you out? How can I help to lessen your burden?
    6. How are you feeling about our physical intimacy or sex life?
    7. Is there something that you would like to share with me or discuss?


Feel free to adjust accordingly to your needs and the relationship. When checking in with your partner, make sure to allow one person to talk and the other to listen with no comment because some partners may feel defensive or interrupted and may not want any advice or solutions. Nevertheless, you can also ask them beforehand if they would like some advice.



Checking in is something that can be practiced or something that comes naturally or unexpectedly. If you feel like your relationship is doing really well and there is no need to do check-ups often, then don’t force it. Sometimes some couples may unintentionally check up on each other during their daily conversations. At the end of the day, each couple has their specific ways of keeping the relationship alive and there are no right or wrong answers to a successful relationship.


If you are interested to read more on relationships, check out these articles on How To Improve Your Relationship With Your Long-Distance Partner and How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work.

A media and cultural studies student who enjoys wondering deeply about life and relationships.

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